One of the Sweetest Letters I’ve Ever Received…

Dear Jon and Stevie,        Disclaimer: I woke up in the middle of the night and spontaneously decided to compose this. The following is probably plagued by a slew of run-ons, misspellings, unnecessary parentheses, and scattered thoughts but it’s honest and unedited – I figured if you guys can provide that daily, I owe it to you to do the same here.       I am reaching out to both of you guys today share with you the Cliffs Notes version of my story and how you’ve truly affected me in a positive way. I’m 18 (soon to be 19) and I am gay. I currently live in California and attend a community college with hopes of transferring to UCLA or USC next fall. My internship and my classes this past year proved to be extremely difficult and time consuming. I finally had some down time in May, and all I planned to do was sit on my ass and indulge in my extensive collection of TV on DVD. My days were pretty lackadaisical, but when ever I was about to go to sleep, my thoughts began to race uncontrollably. I felt a sense of hopelessness and sadness, something so indescribable, I can only liken it to a continuous left hook to my soul.

I would sulk and feel so sad and hurt wondering why I was into the D and not the V.

       From what I’ve heard, I guess people just thought of me as “straight acting” which is a ridiculous term to me, and Stevie I LOVED your article on that phrase. After a string of miserable nights that felt like hell, I picked up my iPhone from my nightstand, clicked on the YouTube app and typed “It gets better” into the search que. I watched about 5 or 6 videos a night for a week and a half. Then I came across your friend Calvin. I watched his video three times that night and by the last time I was practically in tears. As I watched, it brought back memories of some horrible things that kids had said to me over the years. I was reminded of the first time someone had called me “gay” as an insult. I defended myself so adamantly because from what I’d seen in school and on TV, gay was definitely something you did NOT want to be!
       From Calvin’s timeline I eventually came across Stevie’s blog and YouTube videos. After watching the videos, I really sensed a feeling of raw honesty that I genuinely appreciated. From there things began to get a lot better. In June I went to the Femme Fatale Tour. I remember going to bathroom after Nicki Minaj finished her set where all the gays were in the mirror wiping the sweat off their heads and having fun. I thought to myself ”Hey, this might work!” It was July 17^th in a parked car in front of a Jamba juice where I decided to come out to two of my friends. It went exceptionally well. Two weeks after that I built up the courage to do a persuasive speech on marriage equality in California for my public speaking class and it made me so proud.       Upon discovering Stevie’s YouTube channel and Jonathan’s Tumblr, I came across OutspokenNYC which has honestly become one of the highlights of my day. I’ve had a Twitter account for almost 2 years now but I haven’t sent out a single tweet. It came down to fear, the fear that people (especially people I went to high school with) would discover I was gay based on who I followed (i.e. a plethora of pop bitches, a handful of women that really only gay people give a shit about, The Trevor Project, It Gets Better, and tons of other people/organizations) combined with my sense humor. I have to say to you Jon and Stevie, you are two inspiring, FEARLESS motherfuckers and your fearlessness has allowed me to see that I can follow suit.
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